Eating McDonald's Ice Cream Cone on a Hoveround at WalMart
heather marks
orlandabloom
You were driving a hoveround down the bread aisle at WalMart eating a 50 cent McDonald's ice cream cone. I shot you a furtive glance, but you didn't notice, you were really, REALLY into that ice cream cone. 

I've never been jealous of ice cream before, but as I watched your tongue circling the frosty tip, I couldn't help but wonder what it must be like, to be ice cream in your mouth. Let's just say you were the only one with soft serve at that moment.

I wanted to say hello, but I was too shy, and your hoveround was moving so fast. You were wearing a hot pink T-shirt and tight jean shorts. I was dressed more humbly, but could live in your fancy outfit world, or at least try. 

When I first saw you, I somehow forgot how to breathe because you truly are breathtaking, and not because of your odor, probably. You passed so quickly, with my heart melting faster then the ice cream dribbling down your luscious chins. I couldn't tell what was whiter, the vanilla ice cream, or your skin, but both glistened beautifully with moisture. Last night, as I lay alone in bed, I dreamt of that moment when you passed. My head was filled with the beep, beep sound of you backing up into my life. Or was it the beeping sound of hearts in synch? 

I doubt you'll ever see this, but I have to hope. I know the hoveround could barely fit you, but maybe, just maybe, there could be room for two? Send me a reply. Tell me where your mole is located so that I know it's you. 
-xoxo 

http://austin.craigslist.org/mis/3094780771.html

Fancy a fling with the professor?
heather marks
orlandabloom
You've all had the fantasy. Why not make it come true?

Genuine, nice, fit, and sexy uni lecturer would love to host a student at his flat any afternoon or evening. Can be a mature student too. And remember, learning is a two-way street, and spending some intimate time together will no doubt teach us both lots.

Whatever subject you're reading, you may want to give it a go. You're only a student for short while; now is the time to experiment, to try things on; to find what you like and enjoy it.

We can meet for a drink, or a chat, lunch . . whenever (but soon), wherever. . and see if there's chemistry.

I'm tall, fit, brown hair and eyes; educated, cultured, considerate, caring, experienced, and very passionate.

Just send a quick reply WITH a pic, and we'll be on our way.

london.craigslist.co.uk/cas/2194432562.html


I look forward to university.

(no subject)
heather marks
orlandabloom
"Can you make it to work on time? Spell the word “document” properly? Answer a phone before it goes to the answering machine because my entire faculty has decided to take a simultaneous lunch break?

These are all things that my idiot staff just can’t seem to wrap their heads around. So I am re-hiring for my entire office. I will pay a generous $15 an hour as well as full benefits after a 90-day evaluation period to people that know how and are willing to do their jobs."

http://tampa.craigslist.org/hil/ofc/1962497680.html


What did Dwight do this time?






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